Faithful to the end...............

THE DAY HAS ARRIVED FOR THE CHRISTMAS CD OF THE YEAR:

Faith Evans' A Faithful Christmas!

Hands down, this is the 2nd in line for me in R&B music as far as female vocalists. There is no other vocal arranger in the game that can hold it down like Faye does in the studio or out the studio where she is penning another contemporary R&B gem or doing her fabulous background vocals or singing a hook for another hip hop artist. This woman I grew up knowing. I kid you not, her delivery and sound to my ears as always pleasing. There is always growth in her music. She may not be the Queen of Hip Hop Soul, but she will never go unnoticed as the First Lady of Hip Hop and R&B- ever.

I absolutely LOVE HER. Her presence and her time will shine on forever. Beautiful spirit.


In stores now!!!!

Noah's Arc

Not shifting from having a spiritual day, I wanted to make mention of a TV series' debut today on the LOGO channel entitled NOAH'S ARC.

II Corinthians 4:8-17

"We are trouble on every side, yet not distressed: we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. So then death worketh in us, but life in you. We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak; Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. For all things aare for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal but the things which are not seen are eternal. "

My Testimony

"The Silence is as deadly as the Abuse"

Looking back over my life, I can now feel free TODAY not only because I have broken the chain of bondage that I allowed to surround my path and thoughts on a day to day basis; "I don't have to read that page again.. Imagine Me." (Excuse me, while I cry out and allow the Holy Spirit to comfort me).

I trust God more now at this moment because He gave me the will to get my life on track and to become an overcomer. I have beaten the low self-esteem, the abuse from my past, the failures, the let downs, the anguish, the hang up, the penalties, the insecurities, the guilt, the bad attitudes, the lowly feelings, the heartaches, the torment, the ugliness, the imperfections, those that I did not deserve, those that did not deserve me. I can walk into forgiveness for the first time at this point in my life, at 29 years of age and say I forgive my dad for the pain he left behind for me to feel, the days I longed for him to come around, to show his face at least once. I forgive my mother for trying to play the role of both parent (although she did a phenomenal job), but the scars she may have given to me through beatings because of mistakes, "funny" ways, not living up to what a son is supposed to be like. I forgive all those family members for their accusations and their statements about me, it hurt. I forgive all those school mates that talked bad about me. I forgive my brother. I forgive my sisters. I forgive the naysayers. I forgive the young man who groomed the idea to sexually abuse me and who actually followed through with it, damn, it hurt like hell. (I ask, did that scar me for life and did it make me the person I am today; Did it create these homosexual desires?) I forgive those all women. I forgive myself.

Thoughts tried to control me, I trusted less, I smiled less, I only wanted to live totally under the umption of God, being strong, not allowing people to break me down. I have lived in this evil world and walked through many doors, faced with guilt yet seeking understanding. I seeked someone to love me for me. (Thank God for Jesus). I never felt good enough when I walked into schools though I strived for the best. I never felt good enough at work or at jobs because I felt like they won't last very long anyway (some of that is true). I never felt good enough to even walk into church because I worried about wandering eyes and thoughts about me, esp. coming from my pastor. God has made it possible for me to not be afraid anymore. I can feel a New Beginning coming forth.

"Create in me clean heart".

I pray, oh God that You, only You will continue to break the chains and to remove the burdens or whatever stronghold that is being held within me. Lord, I pray that you would wrap around my soul and my spirit man to allow my self-esteem to rise, to allow acceptance from others to happen without shame, to allow my thoughts to become destroyed, to tear down walls of guilt, to forgive those that have caused me pain, to love freely and willingly, to give myself up more to You because You clearly said, even when others forsake me, you will be with me always. I ask that you forgive me for all of my sins that I have done by thought, word and deed. I pray for deliverance. I pray for your joy to become embedded within me. Teach me thine holy way. Lord, I wish to commit my life to you totally above all else. Give me strength, Lord. Thanks for bringing me through depression and giving me another chance even when I don't deserve one. I pray that when I leave this world, you will give me a place to rest in your bosom where the wicked shall cease from troubling and my weary soul will be at rest. In a place called Heaven. In your precious name I pray, AMEN.

Celebrate Women.....

Today I got up after receiving a call from Ms. Lillie, to join her in going to Costco. I got up and went and spent more money. After we got back I just came home and just relaxed and watched TV after going through my CD collection and making sure all was there. I lied down, watched Oprah, early I closed my eyes for a second. Oprah was as good as it always is.. celebrating phenomenal woman from all walks of life. I got excited and it made me feel proud about the women in my life and what they mean to me, not only that the show gave me some great insight on dealing with how to overcome.

"Tell her that you love her....."

My Favorite Work of Art.....

This little girl... Brianna Marie, my little angel, my daughter- the greatest Part of my life. She is my motivation, my throttle, my dream merchant. Nothing can EVER come in between the thick layer of love I have for my special child. She is truly all I ever live for after God.
"For God I will live, for God I will die... For Brianna, I'd live and for Brianna, I'd die."


Daddy loves you and proud of YOU no matter what!

Mother.. the one who bears the sweetest name

This is my Mommy, the woman who brought me to this God forsaking world, nearly losing her life and devoting her time through courage, adversity and single parenting.
She and I share the same birthday. I always feel like the greatest "gift" to her, I treasure her just as much, probably more than may think sometimes. I have taken on her youthfulness and wisdom, that I wouldn't pass up for nothing.

Thanks and Love you "Ma".

A Rose by any other name is still a rose...

This is my aunt Ida Mae, I love her so much-- she is a strong woman.
She gave life to sixteen (16) children and still was able to have common sense.
Her husband died over 25 years ago.
She still held her head high and endured.
Her heart may not be in the best shape, but it pumps love every day and laughter to keep her going forth.
God bless her heart.

The Man I don't know...but I love him so

If only he knew exactly what he means to me, I think he would be proud to know he has a son that loves him more than anything, and although we are not as connected as we should be, this man, my Dad, I respect and honor.

Ms. Lillie

My Heart, the Matriarch of my Life....Ms. Lillie!!
This is my grandmother, my best friend, my prayer partner, my company keeper, my all and all.
She is probably my very first LOVE.

Today's Quotes

"A chain is as strong as its weakest link.."


"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encourages your understanding"

"Feed me until I want no more.... "

After I could not sleep this morning, I decided to phone my mother who left for her 3rd consecutive Cruise trip to the islands. She left Brianna downstairs with Ms. Lillie. I am glad she can get out on her own and go and view the world.
Reminds me of how I view life, guess I get that from her, "smooth sailing". Anyway, I got up and went downstairs to lay with my daughter and I did manage to catch a few minutes of sleep. I got up and watched Bobby Jones, Kim Burrell was on there singing her high praises. (Great vocalist and personality).
I got me and Brianna ready for church, we ate our breakfast and headed out. Church was better than grand today, it was the return of our Pastor and Founder, Dr. Elton T. Byrd.
He came back in rare form. He PREACHED, SANG AND GAVE US ALL SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT- He lectured about being fed and how and why people leave churches today and where the direction of the world is headed based on the immoral decisions certain churches make to fit into society trying to uphold a general basis on only prosperity or contemporary ordinances. I can do nothing but applaud him for his firm beliefs. Gave me enough knowledge to ENDURE, not only in my spiritual life but in all aspects of my life. (God is truly GOOD to ME). Of course, after that I ate and got up to send Brianna off home after I took my usual Sunday nap. I then watched another great episode of Desperate Housewives, off the chain. (Love that show). I ate again after the show and just sat here in awe of the spirit of God, how sweet it comforts the soul and mind. God deserves the praise at all times.
The older I get, the more I realize that, and in spite of my shortcomings, God still blesses and "my cup runneth over".

AUGUST

Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egotistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

"Love Me In a Special Way...What more can I say... Love Me Now...."

(perfect song to fit the mood)

Seeing is Believing....

COMPLETE EYE EXAM AND EYEGLASSES IN ONE DAY- I ran into the optician location and got my eyes examined and picked out some glasses and was told to come back in the evening-- Finally, I decided to get my glasses, could not wait to see them on me.

Cokie Returns

It's a girl.. And she is a Virgo!!!

Got up on this blessed Sunday morning feeling mighty good. Watched Bobby Jones and was amazed at the new show, much better.
Mary Mary tore it up as did my favorite new gospel group, The Soul Seekers. I rearranged my closet in the bedroom and got dressed for church and headed out to sing with the choir today. Church was high up in the spirit.
No Reverend Byrd yet but he sent another recorded voice message (that was good to keep us up to date on his health). Came home and did some cleaning and was supposed to go back to church, but decided not to.
(Missed Reverend Byrd from being there-awww, that is a good sign though to recovery).
I invited my mother to take me over to my grandmother's house to see him and my sister and newborn baby niece, Lailah Keturah, weighed 7lbs and 12 ounces, born September 20th. She is a beautiful doll. Looks like my Brianna, only thicker. Got to see my ex-girlfriend Sonya (she is having twin boys) and her mother, Dottie, Selena and her aunt "Temp" and her brother Greg. "She sure look ugly". Got to speak to Rashida (sister) also. It has been years since I last seen my Nana- still looks the same. I miss her. Came home and FINALLY ate and wished Ricky off well. Laid down and watched Desperate Housewives, what a great show of entertainment. (Bree is INNOCENT). Afterwards went to sleep. Catch ya later.

Realize

To realize the value of a sister: Ask someone who doesn't have one. To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple. To realize the value of four years: Ask a graduate. To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam. To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn. To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize the value of one-second: Ask a person who has survived an accident. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.

Realize, that you cannot do ANYTHING without God: Ask someone who knows Him for himself.

Remnants of Tammy

I arose when the arrival of the exterminator got here and took the dog for a walk out in all of that rain. That was enough to wake me up for real. I ate breakfast and went to sleep downstairs at Ms. Lillie's for a spell. I got up and Davon called and he wanted to hang out today. I intended on going to the Cingular store to get service switched to in-store payments but we just went on a shopping spree and grabbed a bite to eat. Still the rain was pouring. After that, we went to pick up some music and was offered a movie collection, he filled me in on "Breakfast at Tiffany's" starring Audrey Hepburn. I am excited to see it now. Finally, we headed home, still rain and by the time I hit New Jersey, seemed like more rain that in NYC. Came home and walked the dog and kissed my daughter, Ms. Brianna. And finally, finally, finally, after $99.95, I got this DSL fixed thanks to the sweetheart in India working for Compaq on outsourcing. I had to renew my extended warranty for one year. Feels good to move speedily.--- I was also supposed to go out with David but AS USUAL yet surprisingly, he was not asleep, but we did not go out to Euphoria's. The rain kept us all- no sweat.

It's A New Day

I planned to attend the movies with Davon and Drew for Friday evening. The guy was here repairing the walls in the apartment and Cocoa, the dog was here keeping me company. After the guy left and I watched Oprah, I got dressed and headed out to the city to the gym first and then to meet Davon and the gang, Jason was also tagging along--he is back from Atlanta. We went to see the Gospel and decided to go out for a drink afterward at Bamboo, come to find out, it was closed. Missed that. We then headed (in the rain mind you) to Chi Chiz or the Hangar, we chose the Hangar, of course, lesser crowd and lesser aggravation. Had our drink and in the interim of conversation, took off to the Octagon for a reunion dance over this Columbus Day weekend. The music was not that great but manageable. I ran into so many people I had not seen in months, some almost a year or so. Felt good to be out again, been really sorta in the house all summer, no beach no nothing. Got home around 5:45am and slept without walking the dog. (Sorry Cocoa).

Same Shhh.. Different Day

"No weapon formed against us, shall prosper."

Imagine Me

Imagine me, loving what I see when the mirror looks at me; 'cause I
I imagine me..... in a place of no insecurities and I'm finally happy, 'cause I
I imagine me letting go of all of the ones who hurt me 'cause they never did deserve me; Can you imagine me
Saying NO to thoughts that try to control me, remembering all you told me; Lord, can you imagine me,
Over what my momma said, and healed from what my daddy did. And I wanna live and not read that page again.
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally; finally I can, Imagine me. I admit it was hard to see, you being in love with someone like me, but finally I can.. Imagine me.
Being strong and not letting people break me down, you won't get that joy this time around.
Can you imagine me, in a world where nobody has to live afraid, because of your love, fears gone away. Lord, can you imagine me.
Letting go of my past and glad I have another chance and my heart will dance, cause I don't have to read that page again..
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally; finally I can, Imagine me. I admit it was hardto see, you being in love with someone like me, but finally I can.. Imagine me.

(Imagine God whispering in your ear to say, all the frustration, low self-esteem, the past, guilt, shame, failures, etc....)

Gone , gone, it's gone, all gone.

Be Open...

How do you handle correction? By taking offense? By hearing it asrejection? By getting defensive? All of us need people who'll be honest with us because we're easily blinded by our egos. When God sends somebody to correct you it is because He loves you. He only does that to those He values. Listen: 'If you are not disciplined...then you are illegitimate children and not true sons' (Hebrews 12:8 NIV). Check your credentials! So, how do you handle correction? By killing the messenger? By making sure he or she never gets to you again? By keeping score and saying, 'Look what I've accomplished; what have you accomplished?' By giving in to self-pity and saying, 'People do not understand or appreciate me?' Your mind needs to be sharpened constantly, so stay open to those whom God sends to do it. Accountable people always exhibit four qualities: 1) vulnerability - they are capable of knowing when they are wrong and admitting it - even before they are confronted; 2) teachability - they are willing to hear, quick to learn and always open to counsel; 3) availability - they are accessible.They do not avoid you; 4) honesty - they hate anything phoney and are committed to the truth regardless of how much it hurts. 'That is a high standard, ' you say. You are right. It is a standard pride cannot handle and fragile egos won't tolerate. There's something in each of us that would rather look good than be good. So when God sends people into your life who love you enough to tell you the truth - try to be more open.

He always comes through....

"Patience is truly a virtue... Hymn says, "He may not come when you want him but he is always on time."

I watched Desperate Housewives and enjoyed that. (I have my mother hooked now and my daughter, too funny).


Tune in every Sunday at 9:00pm on ABC. Check your local listings.

God is Good....

That was the song I arose to after finally waking up from an excrutiating night of pain my tooth gave me, "God is Good".
I woke up feeling better today and probably because the day has finally come around, the 4th Annual Combined Men and Women's Day. I was optimistic that the services would be nice and enjoyable. Still no Reverend Byrd in the midst, recuperating from surgery. Church was good. Very high in the spirit after Paul Smith song.. man knows he can blow.
Everyone looked so good in their purple and grey... I gotta admit all of my favorite girls looked good too, after what I selected for them to wear all turned out nice.
Afterwards, I treated my mother, daughter and grandmother to Red Lobster in Secaucus. Just got back from that. Catch ya later.